Tonight has been one of the hardest nights of my life. I know some people read my post from yesterday about the “novella” I am writing. It is based on true events, which are unfolding as we speak. Tonight, my boyfriend of 2 years tried to break up with me. He wasn’t very good about it, as he couldn’t hang up the phone on me, and couldn’t stop listening to what I had to say. I made him wait to talk to me about it this weekend, because I had made plans with him to go back to Disney California Adventure, where we had our first date, because he hasn’t been back since then, and I would kiss him at the World of Color show just like before, and let him know how much the last 2 years have meant to me.
He did not agree, and the end of the call was basically “I am so done with this.” and then for me, “I will see you on Friday. And we will go from there.”
Needless to say, we are in a state of limbo, and it has been so hard to cope. I write it out here because, even though my all of 5 followers will probably not even read it, it at least helps me cope. And that alone is enough for now. I don’t have much support in these hard times, not a lot of family or friends I can confide it.
Ironically, the one person who could and did console me, I called afterward, was his best friend. She helped me understand a lot and made me feel much better, realizing the changes he has gone through might mean he isn’t who I want him to be anymore. And that if that’s true, letting go of him is okay, and I will always have the memories of the man he used to be to me.
Those memories will always mean the world to me, no matter what happens.
But then he texts me “I’m sorry… So sorry…” right after our call, and I don’t know what to say. Why he is sorry? Is he taking it back? Does he feel bad for trying to trash my heart? I don’t understand. We weren’t going to talk until Friday because he was so upset, but then HE texted ME?
We talked a small bit, with me saying I’m not giving up and there’s no reason to be sorry for saying how you feel, and he comes back with “Why won’t you just let me go?”
And that’s a good question. And that’s the reason I’m writing this post. Not just to rant, not just to vent, not just to help me cope. But to tell everyone, all of you BEAUTIFUL people out there, that there is always going to be something in your life worth fighting for. There is always going to be that one thing you can’t let go of, ever. For everyone it will be something different. Some people find love, some people find a video game, some people find a book, but everyone will have their thing.
Well, Christopher is my thing. And I realized that tonight more than anything, I will never let him go, because he is the thing I have worth fighting for, and he always will be worth fighting for. Even if I only get to keep the memories we had and the times we shared, it will be worth ever ounce of fight I have in me to keep those until the day I die.
What do you all have worth fighting for?